friendship

friendship.
i’ve never been good at it.
oh hi, i’m me,
what’s your name?
you like this?
i like it too; let’s be
friends.
it’s funny –
(or tragic. i haven’t decided yet -)
but i can’t remember how i
first made friends.
of course, it
doesn’t help
(not one tiny bit)
that those people are,
for the most part,
not in my life anymore.
one due to simply drifting
apart, time taking its toll
(probably long overdue and the
hand was forced
(hers not mine)
but still).
another due to so many
factors
(wedding disaster the first
and
foremost).
but it doesn’t help
when i see others –
with so many friends.
why did i not retain
those special, treasured bonds,
from high school,
from college,
from sports teams,
from … everything?
i know
(oh trust me i know)
i’m not the most
open, or
engaging, and god knows i’m
awkward as hell.
but damnit,
i miss having someone
that i can call up and say
hi, let’s hang out,
you come here
or i’ll go there.
without four months of
phone tag, or
meaning to call
(likelier text)
and forgetting.
i don’t know how to be
girly, yet i want a
girls night,
someone to laugh with,
cry with,
share with.
acquaintances?
those i’ve got.
but a friend –
a true, honest-to-goodness
bff –
i’d love one.
please.
tell me how to make one.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
friendship, 2.4.19

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the ghosts of winter

as i run down the snowy path
in the quiet of the falling snow,
i encounter no one
save the ghosts of winter.
they are benevolent spirits,
enjoying the stillness and the emptiness
which i in my own way am
disturbing.
but as long as i make no sound –
save for the inhale exhale inhale exhale
exertion from the run –
they will not disturb me any more
than i disturb them.
i run back home,
the only footsteps in the snow my own,
but i know i’m not alone.
for while the ghosts leave no trace,
you feel their comforting presence.
they are there,
in the whispers of the wind,
and in the snow taking care to cover
the memories of me,
soon to be forgotten, not unlike
the spirits themselves.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the ghosts of winter, 1.12.19

#Rocktober

it’s hard,
so hard,
to be a fan, love a team.
i did it once,
and was rewarded. (2001)*
i did it again, and had
another payoff … after i thought the
fire had been mostly extinguished. (2009)**
then the fanaticism
(in its literal sense)
slowly trickled away,
laying mostly dormant, save a few
wondrous
terrible
tumultuous times of year.
something lit the fire again,
awoke the beast,
(pick your cliche)
i think last year,
(maybe ’07 if we’re being historically accurate)
but
this year
it’s different.
this year,
it’s changed –
i’ve changed –
and i’m not sure why.
and i don’t know if my heart
can take
the rollercoaster ride again.
but maybe I’ll go,
take my dramamine and hop back aboard,
for this,
(playoff) Sports,
is what can keep us young.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#Rocktober, 10.2.2018

* 2001 – Colorado Avalanche, Stanley Cup Champions.
** 2009, BU Hockey, NCAA Ice Hockey Champions.

Audacity

“… but what about our plans? hadn’t we finally gotten reservations for brunch?” “oh, right. well, take one of your friends. Daniela, right? she’s been raving about it for ages. she’ll appreciate it more than I would anyway.” “well, yes, she has … as a perfectly romantic spot to take a lover. a significant other. which I thought I was but clearly not. clearly I’m just … just … an INSIGNIFICANT other.” “darling, I never meant for it to be like this …” “oh spare me the bullshit. I should have known you were only interested in the sex, and the illusion of being rich and well-known and famous and well I know I don’t have the perfect body I thought it didn’t matter as much since we actually seemed to be able to converse but no, you found Magdalena, with her magazine-perfect body and clearly fake tits who just by showing up can get in anywhere because your gender is the weakest pile of fucking shit out there.” “… are you done?” “yes. now pack up your shit and get the fuck out of my life.” “if you insist. again, I truly am sorry about everything.” “whatever, sure.” “just … one more thing?” “… what?” “well, erm, if you aren’t going to use the brunch reservations, might I have them for Mags and I?” “… the fuck?”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Audacity, 2.26.18. A vignette.

Creativity Corner: Sewn and Plush Things

… awkward post title, since I have two things I’ve made to share. Hooray?

We did Secret Santa draws in both my Team SFQ group and my Skirt Sports group this year. As I like adding in something a little more personal, I put in a tiny something homemade in each package. For my SFQ gift, I made a tiny little pillow with the SMASH hummingbird logo on it.

hummingbird_pillow

hummingbird_pillow2
Told you it was tiny; whole thing fits in my hand.

hummingbird_pillow3
Close-up.

For my Skirt sister gift, my chosen recipient said she likes homemade ornaments, so I did a tiny plush ornament in the shape of the Skirt logo.

skirt_ornament

skirt_ornament2
I tossed her name and the year on the back.

skirt_ornament3
Close-up detail. Not 100% happy with how this turned out, but for a first try, I’ll take it.

On Star Wars and the Power of Costume

So there has been an exhibit at the Denver Art Museum for a few months now titled, “Star Wars and the Power of Costume.” The exhibit is a traveling one that shows the whole journey of dressing the Star Wars universe. The exhibit has everything from storyboards to final costumes, and has different in-depth stories about the various pieces.

Like how the Jedi are purposefully made to look biblical because they are “good.”

Like how Han Solo’s outfit is more reminiscent of an old west gunslinger as opposed to how we’d think some space dude is supposed to look.

Like how ridiculous of a process it was to put on the Darth Vader costume.

And so on. The exhibition closes here in Denver April 9 and I really wanted to make it to the DAM before it closed, so we picked a day last week and went. The following are a smattering of pictures from the event.

starwars
Explanation.

starwars3
Luke Skywalker’s outfit on the left and I believe Anakin on the right. While most Jedi are in white and brown, Luke’s outfit is black at this point (I believe this one was from “Return of the Jedi”) due to the nature of the dark side creeping in.

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I totally remember using these iMacs in high school …

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Princess Leia’s dress.

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The iconic bikini as well as the disguise Leia uses to free Han Solo from Jabba.

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Chewy and Solo.

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Rebel fighters. Joked to B that if he were in Star Wars, this is what he would wear.

starwars12
… B’s response was that TIE fighters were cooler so he’d be in these flight outfits instead.

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Droids.

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Darth Vader, I believe from the Hayden Christiansen days.

Cool exhibit. I think there’s a more permanent version of the exhibit at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C., but after it leaves Denver, it’s also heading to the Cincinnati Museum Center in Cincinnati, Oh., and the Museum of Fine Arts, St. Petersburg, in St. Petersburg, Fla.

Creativity Corner: Shinedown Word Art

So. I’m hoping to create more this year (don’t I say that every year??), but so far, so good for the month!

I did doodle a bit in my sketchbook for the first time in ages, but I wanted to do something a bit more substantial, so I decided to do some word art for B. We’ve been talking about painting random song lyrics for the longest time, so I finally said, “screw it!” and asked him for some Shinedown lyrics and then a color theme.

This is the result:

hdyl

I only apparently had large canvases around (that I could find at the time, at least). He wanted warm colors, so I did a loose play on a sunset/sunrise. I added a metallic Shinedown logo (sort of visible in the dead center) and then washed over it to make it super subtle. Finally, the lyrics from “How Did You Love” that B texted me.

I still need to get a lot better with painting words/doing word art, but he’s super happy with the end result, so I’ll take it!