an explanation for the clouds

i saw them only once, early in the morning
the passage of the
plains ghosts
wisps stealing across the sky.
the sun was burning through the clouds
creating an eyeball,
watching,
guiding,
urging.
steadily they floated
methodically they made their journey
going south to north
venturing wherever it is they go
all the while
i kept driving
watching the solemn parade.
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an explanation for the clouds, 9.26.19

(Driving across NE Colorado on that trip to Wisconsin, I saw some strange clouds and they begged me to write their story.)

IMG_4414
The wisps.

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It gets lost in the photo, but it really did look like an eyeball to me.

temperature gothic

you never thought it would happen to you.
the heat, the oppression, you craved the former not knowing it was the latter that would get you.
i hate the cold, you thought.
i hate how it seeps into my bones, penetrates my very marrow.
how the sun stays hidden behind a veil of clouds, always teasing, always taunting, but never gracing us with its presence.
how warmth is always elusive, no matter how many coats or blankets or cups of hot chocolate, how it stays just out of reach.
i bet you wish you still had that chill now.
now in the unrelenting summer that never ends.
you can lay, naked, motionless, with a thousand fans on you, and still, you will perspire.
the permanent tinge of a rosy cheek has been replaced with the permanent shine of sweat, a dark spot on your lower back that never seems to depart.
i love the heat, you thought, the warmth like a hug.
the hug has turned constrictive
and you cannot escape.
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temperature gothic, 7.27.19

(So I’ve been on Pinterest and keep getting tumblr ____ gothic posts in my feed and, well, they spawned this.)

friendship

friendship.
i’ve never been good at it.
oh hi, i’m me,
what’s your name?
you like this?
i like it too; let’s be
friends.
it’s funny –
(or tragic. i haven’t decided yet -)
but i can’t remember how i
first made friends.
of course, it
doesn’t help
(not one tiny bit)
that those people are,
for the most part,
not in my life anymore.
one due to simply drifting
apart, time taking its toll
(probably long overdue and the
hand was forced
(hers not mine)
but still).
another due to so many
factors
(wedding disaster the first
and
foremost).
but it doesn’t help
when i see others –
with so many friends.
why did i not retain
those special, treasured bonds,
from high school,
from college,
from sports teams,
from … everything?
i know
(oh trust me i know)
i’m not the most
open, or
engaging, and god knows i’m
awkward as hell.
but damnit,
i miss having someone
that i can call up and say
hi, let’s hang out,
you come here
or i’ll go there.
without four months of
phone tag, or
meaning to call
(likelier text)
and forgetting.
i don’t know how to be
girly, yet i want a
girls night,
someone to laugh with,
cry with,
share with.
acquaintances?
those i’ve got.
but a friend –
a true, honest-to-goodness
bff –
i’d love one.
please.
tell me how to make one.
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friendship, 2.4.19

the ghosts of winter

as i run down the snowy path
in the quiet of the falling snow,
i encounter no one
save the ghosts of winter.
they are benevolent spirits,
enjoying the stillness and the emptiness
which i in my own way am
disturbing.
but as long as i make no sound –
save for the inhale exhale inhale exhale
exertion from the run –
they will not disturb me any more
than i disturb them.
i run back home,
the only footsteps in the snow my own,
but i know i’m not alone.
for while the ghosts leave no trace,
you feel their comforting presence.
they are there,
in the whispers of the wind,
and in the snow taking care to cover
the memories of me,
soon to be forgotten, not unlike
the spirits themselves.
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the ghosts of winter, 1.12.19

#Rocktober

it’s hard,
so hard,
to be a fan, love a team.
i did it once,
and was rewarded. (2001)*
i did it again, and had
another payoff … after i thought the
fire had been mostly extinguished. (2009)**
then the fanaticism
(in its literal sense)
slowly trickled away,
laying mostly dormant, save a few
wondrous
terrible
tumultuous times of year.
something lit the fire again,
awoke the beast,
(pick your cliche)
i think last year,
(maybe ’07 if we’re being historically accurate)
but
this year
it’s different.
this year,
it’s changed –
i’ve changed –
and i’m not sure why.
and i don’t know if my heart
can take
the rollercoaster ride again.
but maybe I’ll go,
take my dramamine and hop back aboard,
for this,
(playoff) Sports,
is what can keep us young.
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#Rocktober, 10.2.2018

* 2001 – Colorado Avalanche, Stanley Cup Champions.
** 2009, BU Hockey, NCAA Ice Hockey Champions.